I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
