Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
last night I used snow as a chaser
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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