are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
