this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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