I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
