As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
