My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize