Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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