i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
