I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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