3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
zippers are such a cool invention
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you never un-have a 4some
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
