you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
