just tell him i said nine months
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
