Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
