We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
