I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
