i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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