how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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