the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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