HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
