I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
