Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
