fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
