Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
