I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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