So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
