They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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