Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
