The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
