We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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