I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
