Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
