you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
