They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
