2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
