I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
