I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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