My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
