she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize