i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
