Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
