Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize