I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize