I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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