U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
