i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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