One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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