This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
