we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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