i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
