why im i the only drunk person in the library?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
