Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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