Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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