My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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