3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
