The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
