sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
