Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
