What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
