They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
