A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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