a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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