just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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