...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
