i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
