your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
