I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
