I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
