sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize