I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
