I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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