I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
