For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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