i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
