also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
